WHO I USED TO BE MIGHT SOUND FAMILIAR
Everything was under control. Or so I was telling myself.
I was the girl everyone turned towards when they had an issue.
The one that had a solution for everyone, but her own problems.
A people-pleaser. an approval seeker.
With lack of time. and lack of energy.
24 Hours were just enough to do it all: family, friends, dog, work, studies, housekeeping, cooking - you name it. In the end of the day though, I was exhausted, felt miserable, was often frustrated, and had this feeling of emptiness. What was wrong? I had it all, hadn't I?
Faking that all was OK was super exhausting.
I had to slow dowN.
BUT THAT WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION.
You know, my friend would get upset if I told her I wasn't able to find a solution to her boyfriend issues because I was having a headache.
Saying "no" to my employer when he implied I should work overtime, would result in him giving me 'the look' and me feeling worthless.
Having a conversation with my dad about politics? Avoid, as this might result in an argument. Which we don't want, do we? So I just listened to what he was saying and nodded, despite not agreeing with him.
So many examples.
For what is worse, I was surrounded by so many wonderful people and yet, I felt so lonely.
SLOWING DOWN EQUALLED INADEQUACY.
And then, it happened.
Elevated heart rate, panic attacks, mood swings, hot flashes: my thyroid was out of control. The number on the scale was decreasing rapidly. My hair was falling out.
My body was out of control. My mind was out of control.
suddenly, my whole life was out of control.
My body was ringing a bell. It felt as though it was too late to do anything about it. Good for me (yeah!) I heard the bell ringing. I paused. Reflected. What was going on?
I LEARNED MY LESSON THE HARD WAY.
Now, everything is different. I worked hard to find my balance. In fact, I am better than ever before. Not that my life is perfect in any way. I still find myself in difficult situations. But I can handle them better. And I get out of them quicker.
If you are still reading, there must be something familiar for you here.
If you found yourself in who I used to be, let me tell you: there is a way out.
You don't have to learn your lesson the hard way.
Let me tell you this one thing: your raison d' être is not to feel like shit.